Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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