there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
