I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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