apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
