I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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