I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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