I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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