just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
