i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
