So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
