Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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