Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I supernannyed him into submission
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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