watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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