Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
