can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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