So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
