I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
