Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
