Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
