At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
