He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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