Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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