i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
