i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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