Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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