Will you blow on my dice?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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