he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
