Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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