I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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