Dude my mom stole all your condoms
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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