I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
