why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
