hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
