he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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