Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
