More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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