even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My vagina is officially offended.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
