Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
