Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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