She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
