your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
