If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I pour the whiskey from now on
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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