I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
