So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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