i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
