She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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