we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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