Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
