ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
