My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
