Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Barsexuality is the new black.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
