What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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