I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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