Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
