His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
